wild boar, a knight's tale

(okay, so i changed the title, but so you guys don't miss out you should know that the working title for this story was 'totally boarsome!'. nothing but top quality humour here! seriously.)

i have to apologise for the worst pun to date in the title. in fact, i'm not going to apologise, you shall all have to deal with it. and that's the bottom swine (haha, got you twice). before we get into the dish, i'm sure you would all like to know that my dissertation is going swimmingly, even if it is taking up the majority of my time. you will be doubly pleased to know that i have something exciting to share with you one day soon! mm excitement.

now, the meat. i finally got my hands on some british wild boar sausages! lois' parents managed to grasp some from the very same norwich-based butcher who sold me guinea fowl and kindly donated them to my cause, much thanks! they brought them down to london on friday, along with a new mattress for lois and all my festival gear that i had left in norwich after my car exploded. the sausages were supremely weighty beasts and smelled like they were going to be extremely awesome, if you could decide such a thing from the smell of uncooked meat. i can.

what to cook the meaty lengths with? after a brief consultation with lois, it was decided that throwing the sausages in a big tray accompanied with parsnip, shallots, couple of garlic cloves, fresh thyme and a lovely big apple would be the rustic way forward. salt, pepper, cinnamon and a good lashing of red wine was tickled over the entire ensemble before seeing it off into the oven. not pictured is a lovely pan of chopped potatoes simmering away with various herbs.

some time and a cup of tea later, i made my way through the delightful smells of the kitchen toward the oven. upon opening i was hit in the nostrils by a delightful mix of cinnamon, apple and meat rollicking in the air. the tray was removed and looked really damned impressive, better than the picture i will add! in the cooking time i had also created a beautiful mound of mashed potato from the potatoes joined by milk, butter and a few bits of thyme. to say it was creamy is like saying dumbledore was gay.

the picture above is shaky because of the pure emotions evoked by the smells coming from the dish. there was a party in my olfactory region and everyone was invited. i mean *everyone*. they were even calling up people who they were barely acquainted to and inviting them along. i think i might have heard that vegetarians were ditching their beliefs and ideals just so they could say there were there, it was that amazing. and the food hadn't even come within a foot of my mouth. i have goosebumps thinking about it. and is that.. oh it is! a tear of joy for my memories.

knife, sausage. fork, apple and mash. rework it over the plate and the sausage is impaled. the cutlery and cargo make their steady way towards the goal, my face. as epic as whatever the most epic thing you can think of, the package reaches the destination...

...sorry, i blacked out there, it is just too much! but not enough. i guess it must be a bit like crack in that respect. basically, there was a party in my mouth, etc.. all the flavours are there - apple, potato, boar - and they are the decent type of party goer who have brought their own drinks to share, in this case red wine. velvety red wine, like someone stroking my tongue with some terribly expensive gloves on. the meat is full and heavy, exactly what pork is missing. in fact i know a lot of sausages who would feel fairly emasculated if they ever met a wild boar sausage. and if they were alive and whatnot. the parsnips and shallots add well to this meal and bring together an almost medieval quality that i have never experienced before. i picture myself in full body armour, squire furiously buffing my shoulder plates, horse tucking into his mighty oats, the sounds of trumpets and fair maidens on the horizon. maybe a dragon, why not? i stab my dagger into the table where it swings and makes a 'duyuyuyyyng' noise, pick up my tankard of mead and glance at my knightworthy food. i agree with myself that there is only one thing better than the sun reflecting off my freshly-buffed armour whilst i cut the heads off savages - this meal. i digress.

this was certainly the best meal i have encountered on my quest, and a perfect way to prove that the british can get something right (yes i realise we lost the football, rugby, formula one and snooker). it really was that good, and i urge you to all go out and try it the same way i ate it. why not come round and we can all eat it together.

bring your armour.